Thank fuck that's over!!!!

By Conan the Destroyher!

Oh flay fuck fuck I'm glad as piss that New Zealand Music Month is over!!!! If I see someone wear a New Zealand Music Month tee on the streets of Downtown Auckland, I will shoot them dead....Oh come on you're sooo thinking that thought too!!!!


I just don't get why people have this national pride to New Zealand Music when our product is still sounding mediocre and thousands upon thousands of undiscovered talent just ups and leaves our shorelines for good....like The Brunettes.



Sure they're no Opshop or Good night nurse who can make somewhat of a modest living from here (via licensing to ad agencies), but they have earned successes and praises in other countries which is more that I can say about New Zealand!

Firstly they're signed to Sub Pop, which houses the likes of CSS, Flight of the Conchords (Another offshore success from New Zealand), The go Team and many more (trust me Sub Pop have fuckloads of artists signed to their label), besides that, they've opened for international acts such as Rilo Kiley, The Postal Service, Broken Social Scene, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah which is more that I can say about those cunts from Opshop (You make me sick assholes!)

So we at the frames have a proposal to all of our undiscovered talent from New Zealand......Why don't we have a music month that rivals the balls of the New Zealand music commission's month by shipping you the fuck out of New Zealand free of charge?




That's right we'll have our very own month (That of course falls coincidentally on the government's music month of May) where we'll sell you some shoddy merchandise (such as our fabled tees pictured above which are currently being printed and can be brought for $30. Coming soon) and upon the sale of said merchandise, $10 will go towards a fund that will ship the most undiscovered talent (one group, band or singer per year) from here on our recommendation free of charge! I shit you not!


And yes there is a catch, we will be documenting everything, and I mean everything! From your major record deal signing, your first video, hell your first concert opener! You ain't going to get rid of us that easily hahah no, we will be documenting your process the whole way through!




I mean lets look at your options shall we? Sure be a gullible prick and go to those seminars to learn about what the government thinks is good New Zealand music and strategies, hear from some industry wanker who is still making more cash than you (royalties like a mother fucker), and for you male leads in the group, you can go as far as giving Helena Mcalpine (or as we call her Helena Mc-Ass-ugly) a cock beating of a lifetime so you can have your video played on Special Features.....or you can bypass all of that and let us ship you off (preferable in a container, fumigated from pests,stowaways and migrate Vietminese Asians) to anywhere around the world away from shitty New Zealand so you too can party like a rockstar........phew my brain hurts!


More details were emerge once I flesh them out......Let us ship you (the musician or musicians) the fuck out of New Zealand!.....Hopefully for good!