By The Angry Music Reviewer nerd
This is the tragedy, the drama, and sheer utter pain which I call "New Zealand Music Month". In response to Straight from the whore's mouth recent blog entry, about his shameful taste in music, which of course is New Zealand music, I will blog about my secret shame that I've harbor for many years about New Zealand music and the problems that arise when NZ Music Month comes every year.
Well if its anything to go by my friend, my taste for the nations sonnets are far more bitter. And in case you're wondering what bands that I'm showing love to for New Zealand Music Month? Well its only two at the mo, Disasteradio and Pig Out.........
So you maybe asking "Why out of the plethora of artist here in Aotearoa did you only come up with two bands to like?", well have you heard those other bands on offer? Yeah I thought so.
Well for one I've heard the "Visions" album from Disasteradio and Instantly I loved it! As for Pig Out, I've always had the pleasure of seeing them perform live, and they never cease to amaze me. Now if only Kitt from Pig Out gave me one of his albums so I can jam it on Fleet FM on his behalf!
Now every year the government has always encouraged every New Zealander to support New Zealand Music Month when it comes around, that's fine but hey you've got to meet me half way folks!
Probably the most sickening thing that I hate the most is when it comes to celebrations of New Zealand Music Month, that every Tom, Dick and Jane convening to some fancy soirée to discuss the goodness which is New Zealand music! Guys seriously 2 bands!!? Just 2 bands!!! That's all I like. Come on guys!
Just look at the schmucks (on the above photos) that these poor struggling musicians have to suck up to!
Or better yet how about the fat cow that's in this picture! (Far right with the doodles and stink lines. We pixelated the other woman for her own sake!) she does that horrible TV show (which in my opinion she single handedly ruined) "Special Features!" on C4 What the fuck does she know about music?
Helena McAlpine (some dipshit bird from the U.K.) has moved up the cock sucking ladder of Can West and became the replacement for the once prestigious show when Jane Yee stepped down!
I would like to quote something that Helena said in an impromptu piece for the New Zealand Herald in which she states the following
So what are your favourite bands?
At the moment, my favourite Kiwi band of all time is Autozamm. I'm a big Beatles fan, a big Rolling Stones fan. My genre of choice is hard dance. I love hardcore rave, I love drum'n'bass but it's right across the board. This morning I was listening to Robbie Williams' Sing When You're Winning. I'm really enjoying listening to old stuff again - the Ramones, old-school rock. I'm re-establishing the things I listened to back when music meant so much to me, what got me involved in the first place.
Wow....that's all I'm going to say to that! I'm in awe here!
Her genre of choice is Hard Dance!!!!!! Wow.........Hey in fact why don't you name some of New Zealand's Hard Dance producers of your hands......NONE BECAUSE HARD DANCE IS THE BASTARD CHILD OF SHIT HOUSE AND Illegal GATEWAYING TO HARDER DRUGS AND HERBALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for that little outburst, but its people like her and the cronies that work at C4 that ruins it for me. From their interviewing of musicians, to their lack of education to basic interviewing etiquette, I hate it all! And what do they do during their quote, un-quote serious interviewing? They resort to using a shtick, in effect taking the piss out of the interviewee and wasting their time!
But hey what credibility do they have left over in C4? None is the short answer!!! Some of the good people that were at C4 (Jane Yee, Jacquie Brown, Camila from Bfm) have now moved on, and this pathetic channel is now unwatchable!
Juice TV is better to watch (although I don't normally watch it, but do look out for NZONE!)
Now about the other music channels!....In short its like this
MTV NZ is there to serve the greater purpose of anyone who is a fan of reality TV (The Hills, Pimp my Ride, ) product placement, and American brain wash, so it hold absolutely zero credibility for actual music television or music for that matter.
And please fire those 2 little star fuckers Amber Peebles and Jay Reeves!
Juice TV. Not a fan of it, and I'm wondering if they got rid of some of their hosts because I rarely see them every time I turn to that channel. I will give them points for hiring a fantastic interviewer (Aroha is fantastic!)
Other thing I would like to ask is what do they do with the profits from the sale of those NZ Music Month target tees? You know the ones (Pictured above) from Hallensteins! Where does the money go to with the sale of said tees? And don't you feel like an utter cock wearing something that is both a lie and a Target for snipers?
Wow I will admit, that is one amazing feat! To have a relatively unknown band come up tops with a fantastic Sophomore..........I'm speechless!
And who do we have in New Zealand.................Well young sid (a Gangster wannabe), Opshop (Some crappy MOR Band who'd licensed their music for commercials) and Good Night Nurse (.....Fags!) thats all we got to show to the world!
Wow and all this for the greater good of New Zealand Music Month.............Bravo! We are soooo spoiled for choice here folks! Crap......!
Now lets cover some valid points about the Australian music scene, and why it rules balls over ours any day of the week!
- They don't have a national commission to govern over Australia's music (ie. No music month in Australia folks)
- In fact they don't need a national commission anyways because their product is of a high standard time and time again
- They don't force their musicians to wear targets on their apparel to show some patriotism towards Australia's music scene
- They have no need for a quota system to telly up airplay
- And finally what international would want to come to New Zealand? Most of them end their Oceanic touring in Australia, meaning better exposure for Australian music and more variety and value for the consumer! HELL THEY HAD DAFT PUNK NOT SO LONG AGO@! FUCKK!
So will anything make me change my mind about New Zealand Music when this dreadful month concludes? Maybe........Only time will tell.
Hey at least I got a love for 2 bands okay! Don't sweat me!
Its time that our bands locked themselves in a room with adequate ventilation and lighting for months, hell years if need be, and practice on those instruments that you bugged your parents for!!!!! Because if we have to ride the coattails of our past successes such as Split Enz and the Flying Nun era, we may as well call it quits!
Another thing that I want to point out before concluding......More Maori music for airplay!!!!! I mean Iwi stations can only do sooo much (And no Mai FM and Flava are not Iwi Stations by definition), it would be nice if our national tongue was still preserved and we as a nation didn't follow Australia's lead and their crapping on indigenous culture....(Where the Abos guys? I only see white people).
Come on ZM, drop some Whirimako Black! Or better yet Kiwi FM drop some Dam Native on some of your prime time shows!
SO HAPPY FUCKING NEW ZEALAND MUSIC MONTH ASSHOLES! NOW PRACTICE YOUR INSTRUMENTS and beat up the members of Opshop.....
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